Colete Jane Fehr | THE COST OF QUIET

In THE COST OF QUIET, licensed marriage and family therapist Colette Jane Fehr shines a light on the epidemic of avoidant behavior and how to overcome it. Drawing from the latest attachment science and evidence-based therapies she’s used to repair the bond between hundreds of couples, Fehr gives us the tools to approach those we love with openness, honesty, and vulnerability. The ultimate goal: a securely attached relationship that engages with conflict productively, and the confidence that comes from speaking up and being heard—because a good relationship is worth fighting for.

Colette Jane Fehr, LMFT, LMHC is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in couples therapy. She also co-hosts the podcasts Insights from the Couch and Love Thy Neighbor, and her 2025 TEDx talk Secrets of a Couples Therapist was a TED editors pick. She lives in Orlando, Florida, with her husband.

Recent media and interviews:

• Here’s a recent interview with Good Day Orlando: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SshmBQXyzrM
• She was interviewed as a relationship expert about the Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce engagement, and the piece ran in places like NY Magazine: https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/guide-taylor-swift-travis-kelce-engagement-takes.html
• Her 2025 TEDx talk Secrets of a Couples Therapist was a TED editors pick: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tSUOB2yEd0

"In The Cost of Quiet, Colette Jane Fehr shines a compassionate light on the hidden toll of avoiding tough conversations. With clarity and heart, she shows that ‘conflict’ isn’t a dirty word and that speaking up with love can deepen connection, foster understanding and even save a marriage. If you want more harmony and happiness in your relationships, this book is a must-read."

—Marci Shimoff, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Happy for No Reason and Chicken Soup for the Woman’s Soul

“What if the very conversations you’ve been avoiding are the key to deeper, stronger relationships? In The Cost of Quiet, Colette Jane Fehr reveals why conflict, when faced with courage, can be the greatest act of love. This book will change how you connect forever.”
—Marie Forleo, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Everything Is Figureoutable

“The Cost of Quiet will give you the courage and clarity you need to finally start speaking up and showing up as your most authentic self. Colette’s brilliant work is the medicine our world has been waiting for, helping countless people discover their power to keep it real and true. In doing so, she reveals the highest and best that love has to offer.”

—Katherine Woodward Thomas, New York Times bestselling author of What’s True About You: 7 Steps to Move Beyond Your Painful Past and Manifest Your Brightest Future

“A courageous and soul-stirring guide for anyone who longs to be heard. With bold compassion and practical brilliance, Colette Jane Fehr reveals how speaking with fierce honesty doesn’t create conflict, but instead sparks deeper connection and enduring intimacy.”

—Sally Hogshead, New York Times bestselling author of Fascinate

“This book is a compassionate, practical guide to having the hard conversations that truly deepen connection. It’s a must-read for anyone who wants to build secure, lasting love.”

—Fran Hauser, bestselling author of The Myth of the Nice Girl

“The book's central insight is revolutionary yet simple: staying quiet to ‘keep the peace’ actually creates the very disconnection we're trying to prevent. The Cost of Quiet offers hope that it's never too late to transform both your relationship with yourself and others through the power of truthful, loving communication. This is not just a book; it’s a transformative journey toward personal liberation.”

—Dr. Nadine Macaluso, author of Run Like Hell: A Therapist’s Guide to Recognizing, Escaping, and Healing from Trauma Bonds

“Once in a while a book comes along that is so useful and to-the-point that one can only say: Get it now and put it to work for you. In The Cost of Quiet, Collete Jane Fehr correctly identifies a fundamental relationship problem: silence in the name of peace is the slayer of intimacy. Her wisdom and compassion come through on every page, making the book illuminating to the mind and stirring to the heart.”

—Gay Hendricks, author of The Big Leap

“When we avoid hard conversations, it doesn’t just cost us emotionally; we see the fall out in our sexual lives. Colette Fehr gives couples the language and courage to have conversations that deepen intimacy, spark desire, and create lasting sexual connections ... a brilliant, compassionate guide.”

—Juliana Hauser, PhD, LMFT, LPC, author of A New Position on Sex

“It’s normal to fear conflict and want to avoid it at all costs. But staying silent when things get tough destroys relationships. Here’s the good news: you can learn to have the hard conversations with your partner that will actually save your marriage. The Cost of Quiet shows you how to speak up in your relationship—and why you must.”

—George Faller, MS, LMFT, author of True Connection

"The Cost of Quiet makes a persuasive case for sharing our deepest vulnerabilities in our relationships—rather than reflexively shutting down or lashing out. Fehr leads the reader through the steps of identifying their own triggers, making sense of and taking responsibility for them, and communicating them in ways that can reach and move their partner.”

—Darcy Lockwood, author of All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership